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| Ask
Ollie... Ask Ollie... Ask Ollie! |
| Are
you puzzled by your pooch? In his regular column, Ollie, our
famous supermodel, gives his no-nonsense advice to clueless
dog owners. He firmly believes in good training and so he has
dedicated all of his time and effort to teaching old pet-owners
some new tricks. Now the long-suffering pets out there can finally
get the results they expected when they decided to grace your
home with their presence! |
|  "What
qualifies me to give advice? Hey, I'm a dog!
I have an opinion on everything, and it's time for
me to speak out! I know how to enjoy life, and get what I
want. People make everything so complicated with their
tactful language. We dogs have no rules, no inhibitions!
Think about what your dog did the last time you had company
over! Now you're getting it!"
"How can I speak for every
kind of dog when I'm a mixed terrier? Listen, people, did
you read the word MIXED?! How do I know what dog breeds
are swimming around in my gene pool? I could be part golden
retriever, part dachshund, and a little pug with a healthy
dose of schnauzer for good measure. Don't all dogs bark? Don't
all dogs want to sit on the sofa? Don't all dogs grab your
food when you're not looking? The main qualification that
I have is that I speak D-O-G. People speak People, I speak
Dog." |
To give you some inspiration
for the kinds of issues that I may choose to address, my precious
but misguided Mommy-Girl and Daddy-Boy have complied a list
of sample questions:
|
Dear
Ollie: My dog keeps "marking his territory" on my favorite shrub! How can I get him to stop? Ms. Yellow Bush
|
| Dear
Ms. Yellow: Oh, right! So, dogs aren't allowed to have a favorite shrub, too? Isn't it enough that we are held prisoners in your pitiful excuse of a yard with all of the "Don't dig there" and "Don't sit on that" demands? Now you want to whine and tell us where to do our "business", as you like to call it? After all, it's only our favorite activity, and the only thing that preserves our identity as dogs instead of your "precious little babies". Really! NEXT |
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